A poem from my heart

God there are so many questions I long to ask
There are so many answers I desperately seek
Like why was I created? What purpose do I serve?
How do I become more like you, lowly and meek?

Why do I carry such a heavy cross?
When others seem to glide on by,
why do I walk this road all alone?
And others are too busy to help me cry?

What is the purpose of being abused,
Left alone at the side of the road?
what is it you are trying to tell me,
Asking me to bear this heavy load?

Why does it feel like you left me?
Or am I walking away from you?
How do I draw closer to lean on you?
By going to church and sitting in the pew?

I've cried and prayed and read your word
Yet still, here I sit crying alone,
Where are you God? Why am I so lonely?
Oh, where are you God? Please don't throw a stone.

I am so battered and bruised
So weary and worn
Have been feeling this way
Since the day I was born.

Sure there have been days
Where I felt cherished and loved
Not by earthly beings
But by God above.

So God if you love me so much
Why do you do you allow the very one I love
To tear me to bits and crush me to powder
When will you take me to heaven above?

All these people here below
they laugh and tell me not to worry
They pretend to be your friend for awhile
But soon they turn and leave you in a hurry.

I am trying to trust you Lord, in what'er betide
You promised never to leave me
To come to me when ever I call
So I am begging you down on my knees,

Come, oh please, come to me
Carry me far away
Help me dear God
To get through this day.

And the next, and the next, and the next........

One day at a time, please Jesus.
That's all I am asking of you........

searching, pain, God

Today was one of those days that comes twice a year for me......

Having to help butcher over 600 chickens in Alta Vista. Not exactly a job I love but.....Hey, someones got to do it.

So, I was set to work cleaning the hearts, livers and gizzard. Those of you who do not know, the gizzard is a heart shaped organ where the chickens food passes through. It has a strong lining inside so we need to cut it open and pul that lining out and clean it. Sometimes that lining can be down right stubborn about coming out, and that set me to thinking.....

Since this is heart shaped, my thoughts went like this;

When we ask God to clean our heart, He too will want to 'rip' out the old lining and wash it clean. But how often do I kick and scream saying, "Ow, Lord that hurts too much, just do this part. Let the rest go it isn't THAT bad."

So I began to wonder, will I allow God to 'rip' it all out? Will I allow Him to get rid of it all, no matter how painful? Will I give Him everything? Only then can He truly clean my whole heart.

I don't know about you, but I know I have some more heart searching to do. Maybe that is a life long process, I don't know.

But, I for one will never look at a chicken the same again! ;) Maybe they aren't as dumb as we think. LOL....

Thoughts

So today I am at one of Brent's adopted 'Grandma's'.

We were baking whoopie pies all morning. Then around lunch we went outside to do tomatoes so we could watch the backhoe dig up the driveway.

While out there I suddenly had a 'Sonstroke'.

Ever experience them?

It happened a bit like this;
As we were cutting tomatoes, I suddenly sliced my palm with the knife (something I find quite easy).

Well,, having to run in for a bandage I laid down my knife. Upon my return I saw my little snicklefritz using it to cut HIS tomatoe.

I yelled, "Put that back, you will get hurt!"

"No, Mom, I not hurt. I can do it myself!"

As he was barely finished saying it he suddenly started to scream and dance in circles. I knew immediately what he had done.

After cleaning it up and putting a bandaid on and lots of hugs and talking, we finally went back out. He was not about to go anywhere near the knives now!

As I picked up my knife to return to work I was struck by a thought;
How many times do I as a human say to God, "See I am fine. I can do it myself. I am not getting hurt."?

How often do I complain or kick against the 'pricks' that come in my way? Shouldn't my focus be instead on, Lord what is it you are trying to teach me with this trial, etc.?

How often do I ignore the admonition of the Father and end up getting hurt?

Too many times!! I am now 'suffering' from Sonstroke and hope that I may learn a lesson from it!

By the way, I love this blogging idea! I can come back and read this lesson over and over!!

Well, it is official......

I am in love..... It isn't so much that I just now became in love, but that the love is new every morning!

No, I am not talking about natural love, this is ......ummmm.....

Unexplainable love. Everlasting love. Infinite love. Love from heaven above.

I am talking about the love of my Saviour. The one who gave His life, desires, all that He could, just for ME! And you, all He asks in return is that we confess that we are sinners and to obey His Word, the Bible.

So yesterday we came home from church, pulled in the driveway and.....

Yeah, there we sat with our jaws hanging!

Someone came while we were gone and mowed our yard for us! They did not just do a quick job at it, but rather they did a superb job. All was very neatly done and trimmed!

That could only be from God! Someone is a true neighbor and friend! I am just bawling as I write this, God knows how horrible things are around here right now and sent someone to help to brighten up our day.. I will be eternally grateful to whomever did this.

I wish there were someway I could repay them a hundred fold... I will be keeping my eyes open for any and all opportunities to help any and all neighbors, that is for sure...

Thank you Father for coming through for me again even before I asked.....

May I ever serve You and draw nearer to You... Put my focus on You Lord, not the world...

So I decided to try this blogging out....see if I still remember how to write! So today is Saturdayand like all other days, my 3 year old son wakes me up before I feel like waking up!

Thankfully he was perfectly happy to play with his toys so that I could spend plenty of time in the presence of our Lord! Something I cannot seem to get enough of lately.....I also had four hours while he was napping in the afternoon! Wow! I feel great today, didn't get much done but.....

I did mow part of the yard with our "Amish" mower (no motor, push mower) Takes hours to mow all our yard with that thing but, the other mower is broken and part is stilllll not in!! Been broken for six weeks now. :( Patience woman... I will just pretend that it has helped me lose ten pounds and I have preserved gallons of whatchamacallit from the ozone!

So today I am wondering, does anyone else have a problem with saying the word no? I have this friend who seems unable to do anything alone.....like three boxes of tomatoes canned into juice..and then to top it all off she is forever insulting me by saying I have nothing to do! What is up with that??!! And I continue to be a pushover and run to her rescue when she hollers.. Why, oh why, do I keep subjecting myself to this kind of abuse?

Well, I think my answer is that I am so desperate for friends that I just want to do whatever possible to feel like someone likes me...Maybe someday I will have to blog about my childhood then maybe you all will agree to my assessment of myself... Man, I hate when I hate myself!

No, no talk like that, you are a child of the King!! A princess!! He has created you for a very unique purpose here on earth... Do not try to be like others or try to get everyone else to like you but focus on Gods love.. He will never, NEVER leave you or forsake you like all those earthly friends....

Okay, so now I am talking to myself and answering back! This is getting to crazy for me likings...So adois amigos!